Thursday, December 01, 2005

To Paraphrase Eazy E:"Happy Mother Effin' Holidays!"

I'm briefly poking my head up from deep deadline related hellishness (in Rockville, the Dullest Place In Maryland) to offer our good friend Bill O'Reilly a little holiday cheer. Unlike S.O.L.'s neighbor, O'Reilly's hastened mental decay - brought on by his ever-increasing proximity to the grim-reaper - has resulted in the dullest form of muddled paranoia. Bill has discovered the existence of a grande conspiracy united in their insistence on quoting him and disagreeing with him. On O'Reilly's Crazy-Moon-World, this shadowy sect's nefarious goals can only be achieved by a protracted assault on what every true-blue-red-blooded American knows is the most holy of holidays; in other words, a War On Christmas. To combat this evil, O'Reilly has published his Enemies List to expose those evil-doers and let the rays of the sun burn those evil bastards to cinders. If you bothered to clink the link, you're probably thinking the same thing we are: "Only 3 enemies, one of them the St. Petersburg Times, and you call that an 'enemies list'? ARE YOU EFFIN' KIDDING ME?"

Despite the vitriol above, we here at RUFNKM are at root kind-hearted, caring, sensitive liberal souls. As a result it pains us to see an old man making a fool of himself. It's not easy growing old, and besides, since the falafel incident his wife probably isn't even sleeping in the same room with him, so the guy really deserves a break. To that end, we have joined the vast-left-wing-secular-gay-anti-christmas and pro-hanging-toilet-paper-in-an-overhanded-fashion conspiracy and given Bill a Christmas present, a real live no WRNFNKY enemies list. Help warm Bill's desolate winter and join too.

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