Monday, June 13, 2005

More Bull From The Moose

Look, RUFNKM is totally pro-bolo tie. In fact, I'll offer a list of accessories of which we stand united - yes, even with the Moose, perhaps - in favor:

  • Sneakers - every red blooded American should embrace their god given right to comfortable shoes.

  • Dr. Martens - Good for heavy work, good for face stomping, when well polished can substitute for dress shoes.

  • Wrist Watches - They look neat and tell the time too!

  • Eye glasses - Duh!

  • Scarves - Here in Merlin the winters are sometimes cold. We assume it snows in Red States too.

  • Rings - Especially if you're married.

  • Beer Cosies - My preferred model is the "Ravens Logo Fit For a Bottle", but we're no elitists - a plain ol' Budwiser logo is fine too.

The list could go on. But we reach a moment where the absurditiy gets a little much, even for us. Yes, thanks for the advice about embracing "American Values". But this line is JUST EFFIN' BIZARRE:

More bolo ties and less Ben and Jerry's.

I'm tempted to scream something like "what the eff' are you talking about? How do you get from Bolo-ties, advice for Howard Dean, and 'American Values' to effin' Ben&Jerry's?", but I think I get it. Somehow we're supposed to accept that Ben & Jerry's ice cream - something sold in EVERY GROCERY STORE IN AMERICA (including Wal-Mart, I'll bet) - is a signifier of effete elitism to ol' fashioned Red Staters, whereas bolo ties are not.

ARE YOU EFFIN' KIDDING ME? If Red State America has so much damn time to spend pondering and assigning the meanings of cultural signifiers, then Red State America needs to get itself a collective job. But that really isn't the case. The people who spend the time doing the pondering and assigning are political hacks like the Moose who, during the Gingrich Revolution, went out of their way to sew just this kind of bizarre culture-via-brand conciousness in favor of a good healthy dose of class conciousness. So thanks Moose. You talk about uniting America, but you are as full of Bull as is possible to get. If you were interested in uniting you'd quit with the bogus culture baiting and talk about what Americans really DO have in common. By the by, it's time you got yourself a job, so when you talk about "working people" you'll actually be a working person.

More jobs for Americans and less political hackery.

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