Thursday, March 09, 2006

OK J, I Get It

The other day while flushing money down my toilet I reached an impasse. No more of my hard earned cash would fit in my toilet. At first, as I stood there, shin deep in toilet bounty, I was sad, but then it hit me. All this time, stuffing benjamins into the crapper I've been hurting only myself, how could I serve a greater ill?

At first I thought of going outside and pushing over an old person but that's too local. Next I contemplated donating Clay Aiken albums to troops over seas, but that was too cruel, then I found the sweet spot. I could donate to Scooter Libby's defense fund! Huzzah! Finally a charity we can all agree sucks.

Who exactly is this for? Is it the guy who thinks, "Man, I could give some dough to the Red Cross, but they'd just build houses for Katrina victims." Maybe the bloke who passes the armless legless pan-handler and thinks, "Puh-lease! Get a job you nugget! Do I look like some bleedin' heart liberal? I'm going to put this money where it can make a difference, into the pocket of a Yale educated millionaire attorney who's committed treason!"

I don't understand these peoples world. I mean, the guy's still going by Scooter. He's been indicted on charges stemming from exposing a CIA operative and he still gets to go by Scooter? I get a speeding ticket and "Jimmy" becomes "James." How does he get to keep freakin Scooter?

Just to show you how out of touch these schmucks are, they've lead their charge with a web banner quote from Dick Cheney who says, "Scooter Libby is one of the most capable and talented individuals I've ever known." First off, that's not saying a whole bunch. I mean, Cheney found GW AWOL in a titty bar slumped over a coke mirror trying to figure out how to tell daddy about his DWI and thought, "This guy is presidential." Beyond that, right now, Dick Cheney is about as popular as Karl Malden at one of W's powder parties. Seriously, with an approval rate of eighteen percent according to poles he's less popular than Josef Stalin.

You know, I don't think I've ever invoked the name of this blog before, but seriously, SERIOUSLY! ARE YOU EFFIN KIDDING ME?


P.S. Karl Malden had a huge nose.

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