Thursday, October 13, 2005

Traitor Gate Contest

Since Watergate, American scandal has been marked by one common thread. It ain’t a scandal 'til it's a gate. We've had Iran-Contra-gate, Travel Gate, Monica Gate, and yet, in the last five plus years, we've had no gates. What up with that? Come on, liberal media.

If screwing a fat chick is a gate, shouldn't screwing the nation be too? Why was there no election-gate? No AWOL-gate? No Rita-gate? Why hasn't Tom DeLay gotten a gate? He seems eligible for several. Gerrymandering-Gate is too local (though sending 5 additional Republicans to congress definitely was a scale tipper), how about his current scandal? Laundry-gate? Ancient-Texas-Secret-Gate? If firing the White House travel agents gets a gate, shouldn't sacrificing a valued U.S. intelligence resource and possibly her life to penalize her husband for saying something mean about you get a gate? How about Treason-gate?

As we all know, the media is a rabid liberal pitbull with a mindless desire to chew on the President's leg. I mean, the same people who told me I'm pro-abortion, not pro-choice, that I don't support the troops cause I don't support the war, that I'm an anti-business tree-hugger because I'd like to breath clean-air, that if I don't want clean air, I should support the Clear Skies Initiative, that neo-creationism (oh, I meant Intelligent Design) is science told me the media is liberal. It must be true.

So, since the media is so virulently liberal, the fact that none of these scandals, especially Ol' Rove-ey and DeLay's don't have a gate after them must be because they haven't thought of a catchy title yet. So here's the contest. We need something witty. We need something concise. We need it to roll off the tongue. If we come up with it, man, it's gonna take off. So let's come up with a Gate.

Enter your submissions. The winner will get an all expenses paid trip for 2 from the Baltimore Travel Plaza to the Back River WasteWater Treatment Plant. Oh, and the appreciation of our tens of loyal readers.


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