Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Poor Guy

Trembling hands and bloodshot eyes? Now we have no love for Hitch but at least two of us would cop to being "drink-soaked ex-Trotskyists" - maybe one without the "ex". So we offer a little solidarity. Some things are fair game, some things aren't. Personally I think it's only fair to attack Hitch's for being a drunk when it's an endnote to attacking him for being non-sensical. So "Dude, that makes no effin' sense! What, are you effin' drunk?" is totally fair while "Wadda you know, ya drunk?" is not. Of course if you're going to go the low road with Hitch (which we tend to avoid because at RUFNKM we prefer the high road even if sometimes we sprain our ankles and stumble a bit - I guess this makes us "medium roaders") there are far better alternatives:

  • His dress sense: The man wears pink shirts with white suits on television. Yes, this is a far worse offense than tweed. The rule at RUFNKM is if you can't be stylish, it's better to look dumpy than to dress like Tom Wolfe.

  • Personal grooming: He is clearly balding, but insists on going without hair cuts for extended periods. There is nothing lamer than a man who is balding having long hair. It smacks of an immature desire to maintain one's youth even as one slides into middle age. Wolcott, we love you, but you are on notice. Exceptions are people who've been in the military; it's much less lame if you've had a crew-cut forced on you.

  • His physique: The man is fat and getting fatter all the time. He has no excuse for this. Everyone knows, no matter how much beer you drink and how much roast beef you eat, if you smoke enough cigarettes and drink enough coffee you don't get fat. This also points up that he's probably lying about how much he smokes - meaning he is also a total poser (not poseur: it's the punk-rock term, not the French).

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