Wednesday, February 09, 2005

GAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!

That's IT! I'm never coming home. Just when I thought today couldn't get any worse. Effin' moralists.

A high school student writes and directs her own play about a gay football star, and how does Loudoun County, Virginia react? Mostly with congratulations and appreciation of her budding talent, thank god. And then comes Act Two:

Dramatif Perfonae

Del. Richard H. Black (R-Loudoun) - Flame Fanner

Loudoun County Supervisor Mick Staton Jr. (R-Sugarland Run) - Me II

Mob of Bigots


Scene I: Flame Fanner e-mails his supporters that "two male students engaged in a homosexual kiss onstage" and that public schools were "being used to promote a homosexual lifestyle."

Me II follows up with a missive of his own, warning of the play's disturbing "indoctrination."

Scene II: Mob of Bigots blankets Loudoun churches with fliers decrying the production.

Scene III: School board meeting. The playwright says, "I try to promote tolerance in a school where there is not enough among teenagers and am in turn flooded with the intolerance of their parents," prompting a standing ovation. "People who are negatively commenting on my play are proving my point."

Flame Fanner rips of his shirt to reveal himself as conservative superhero, Misinformed Bigot Piece of Crap: "Within our public schools, there is a tendency to encourage homosexual activity, to portray it in a cute or favorable light. This is a considerable health hazard right now.

"If we encourage just one child to experiment and contract the HIV virus, then we have done an enormous disservice to our children."
___

Don't worry, teenagers don't f**k. You taught them abstinence, remember? But on the off chance that One Child wasn't in class that day, I hope someone else told him to use a condom so he doesn't get AIDS from the Evil Gay AIDS-Spreaders.

Stay tuned for Act III, where Rep. Black comes out of the closet after I _____ his ________ with a giant wooden ______, then give him a ________ while he ________s all over County Supervisor Staton's ________ under the bleachers at a high school football game. We're negotiating with William Donald Schaefer to play the strapping quarterback that joins in at the end to bugger us all and give us AIDS.

And I don't want to hear the "intolerance of intolerance" canard whereby these jerks are somehow victimized by my calling them out as bigots. Sorry. Practice whatever religion you want. But when you go around saying that kids are going to get AIDS because someone put on a play that recognizes that homosexuals exist, I'm going to call you out for the big, stinking bigot that you are.
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