Thursday, December 02, 2004

Now I've Got A Reason...

Do please check this Media Matters post out. Evidently the reason people become (or in some cases like yours truly, choose to intensify their natural impulse to be) depressed alcoholics around the holidays is because "the meaning is sucked out" by the multi-cultural machinations of huge upscale retail chains who wish their customers "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas". Did you know that our culture is so coarse it's attacking Christmas itself? ARE YOU EFFIN' KIDDING ME?

I'm so glad that's been cleared up for me. I always thought the reasons for holiday inspired depression, anxiety and alcohalism had something to do with the sudden requirement that people jam themselves into over-crowded shopping malls, spend money they really can't afford to spend in the hopes of not emasculating themselves in the "who's the better consumer sweepstakes", and fight for space with thousands of other anxious and depressed drunks in over-crowded airports in a vicious struggle to spend time with people they don't take the time to see any other time of the year. As if that weren't enough, all of this is supposed to make people happy and if it doesn't there really is something wrong with you, you ScroogeMcDucky Jerk! Yes, bah-effin'-humbug to you!

Of course, one could make the argument that the meaning has been sucked out, but it's not clear anyone wants to get into the old "celebration of the birth of Christ moved from April to December to better market Christianity to pagan's who were celebrating the winter equinox by slaying beasts and having a grand ol' time" saw, because that's just rude and offensive.

But hey, look. There's a war on and American's are dying and all that. BUT WE MUST PROTECT CHRISTMAS!!1!!!11!1! Look over here! Rich people are being oppressed by Macy's!
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