You May Not Be Alone Much Longer

Well all you Homos out there can stop feeling so smug. Turns out you may have company on the family tree, or, at least hanging from a branch riding a tire swing. According to biologist Soojin Yi and his team at the Georgia Institute of Technology Chimps (and their randy cousins the Bonobos) are closer genetically to humans than the other apes differing by only three percent.

Turns out when chimps were first classified in Seventeen-Seventy-Five, they were homos, but by eighteen-sixteen, word got out and people who had seen our cousins the chimps hucking poo and consorting with carney folk insisted on a family split. Hence forth, chimps and their lot would be known as genus pan even though they displayed rudimentary flute playing ability at best.

So congratulations Homos! Now there's another homo to hang with!

Now try to prove I'm a sea monkey’s uncle.

S.O.L.